Do Opposites Really Attract?Nov 14, 2023
According to a recent publication in Nature looking at couples in the US and UK, between 82% and 89% of 26 self-reported traits examined were similar among partners, with only 3% ranking as substantially different.
In another study, they found that similarity is more important in the earlier stages of the relationship and is less significant as time goes on.
While research like this grabs headlines and seems to contradict the idea that opposites attract, there’s more to this story.
We’ve all had relationships that had no spark, and some that had fireworks. Some have flowed smoothly, and others felt like a battle for control. For romantic relationships, as with so much in life, it’s all about balance – and what is right for each person, as well as for the relationship, will be different.
How do you make sense of all this to help you succeed in the dating world and find the right mate?
Dating and Human Design
While there’s no way to absolutely predict success, knowing your Design and a few basic keys will help you magnetically attract the right person and be able to decide whether they are a yes or a no more easily and reliably.
Some people are designed to learn by trial and error. If this is your Design, you’ll also experience this in your dating, but from a place of self-knowledge and non-judgment rather than a sense of failure. You’ll also be able to use your superpower of learning from your experiences and quickly refining your strategies until you get them right.
Others will want to research, sometimes to the point of being paralyzed and not feeling like they have enough information. If this is your Design, you can use your superpower of analysis to gain clear awareness of this – without judgment. You'll reliably know when you DO need more information and how to move forward when you’re stuck.
Have you ever been told you’re too picky? To just jump in and be more adventurous? Maybe it’s your Design, and you have the superpower of discernment. You’ll learn how to trust your inner decision-making process to know who is right for you, and with right timing.
Helping Relationships Thrive
Once you’ve committed, how do you give your relationship the best chance of success? Can this also help a relationship that’s already many years in and struggling?
My experience is that the best relationships have some amount of similarity in their outlook, beliefs, and values while still having some areas of dissimilarity to provide the friction that creates attraction and keeps things lively. But when we don’t know how to work with these energies, they can lead to misunderstandings and pain.
Predicting Success with Human Design
Is it possible to predict relationship success with Human Design?
No. We are complex beings that bring in many life and relationship experiences that influence us. But it can certainly improve the odds.
While there is no “perfect” combination that guarantees “success” or “failure” of a relationship (and these beliefs around success and failure are a whole other topic!), it is possible to navigate these challenges more consciously once we gain a greater understanding of what’s operating in the background – along with the specific tools and strategies we need.
Human Design can provide important insights as to where each person may be more susceptible to taking on beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors that aren’t really in alignment with who they are, how to discern when these are operating, and strategies to shift, clear, and heal them.
Guiding Relationships Toward Mutual Respect
One of the biggest gifts of Human Design is that it acts as a guide as to what each individual needs within a relationship, how the couple can meet those, and how each person can also meet their own needs. When we can do this, it fosters respect, which is the foundation for every healthy relationship.
Every relationship requires work and nurturing, and I believe that all relationships are opportunities for learning and growth. There is no good or bad in a Design, only that some Design features can make this feel easier, and others are more challenging.
This is where understanding the Designs of each individual, as well as the relationship itself, can mean the difference between comfort and boredom, excitement and conflict, confinement and freedom, growth and stagnation.
At the heart of my work, I find that one of the most powerful things about using Human Design is helping people learn how to bridge differences without taking them personally.
- How are you each designed to move energetically in this world – is one a worker bee, needing to be busy while the other needs downtime?
- How do you each make decisions in a way that is true and reliable for you? One partner may know instantly, while the other may need more time in their own space.
- What are the best ways to communicate that support each person feeling seen and heard?
- Where are potential areas for friction or power struggles, and how do you work with them?
- Where are you completely aligned, and where do you each bring your own perspective on life?
- How do you each view and experience intimacy, and how is this influenced by your relationship?
Human Design is Sex and Gender Inclusive
A common question I get is whether it makes a difference in how the people in the relationship identify themselves. In Human Design, the energetics of individual and relationship designs are agnostic to sex, gender, or sexual orientation, so the information can be applied universally.
While there are still many societal beliefs and language barriers that creep into interpretations, these are not inherent in the Design itself. The only thing that varies is how the relationship expresses itself – friendship, colleagues, romantic, parent-child, etc. - and so the nuances are interpreted differently.
Ready to uplevel your dating strategies and success?